August 20, 2008

Leaving

Posted in stories tagged at 6:21 am by littlesubmissions

“Why do you do this to yourself?” She rolled over, still purring, and slid her hand under the back of his shirt tail, traced the bright red parallel lines running between his shoulders.

He stood up, got to the bottom button, and realized he had missed one. “I don’t know.” His fingers started shoving the buttons back through the holes, carefully lining the top hole up with the top button.

Her feet swung around until they hung off the edge of the bed. She leaned forward, moving herself closer, being careful not to touch him. “You love it, you know. It’s a part of you, and there’s nothing wrong with it. I can see it when I…” Her words caught in her throat when his shoulders twitched.

“Please don’t. Please.” He’d begged her with those exact words less than an hour before, filled with passion and lust, pleaded for her to hurt him more, to break him into a thousand pieces. It had been the crazed shouts of a fanatic in the thrill of ecstasy, a man desperate to be consumed by cleansing fire, not this pitiful whisper. This was the sound of a tortured animal, begging because it knew it couldn’t be saved. Begging because it didn’t know what else to do, except cry out in pain.

She shook her head. “Look…”

The red skin on his legs, bits of wax still clinging to his flesh disappeared under the blue denim of his pants. “No, it’s cool, I just need a few days.” He kept his eyes on the floor while he pulled on his shoes. “You know, grow some skin back.” A hollow chuckle fell out of his mouth.

She remembered how they had laughed between his screams, even through the gag she shoved in his mouth to keep him quiet. She felt that white light washing over her again, turned from joy to rage. “Fuck you! You know what, just fuck you. You think this is fair to me? Coming over here once every few months, making me feel like shit when you slink out with your tail between your legs? You think I enjoy wondering if you’re okay when you won’t even talk to me for weeks? You think your little pity parties are fucking fun for me?” She kicked herself up, walked over to the dresser and found a pack of cigarettes.

“Sorry.” She looked at him sharply, found him looking back. “Seriously. I really am sorry. I didn’t know it bothered you so much.” He shifted in the chair and winced.

She remembered how he had winced earlier, when she dragged the belt across his skin… and the anger melted away. Left her feeling tired and sad. “Hey, no…”

“No, you’re right. It’s not fair. Every time, I think it’ll be different.” He looked away from her, pretended to be checking the knot on his shoelace. “And it’s not. I really am sorry, I’ll go now.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I do.” He stood up, shoulders slumped, and walked to the door.

She shook her head, sighed, and decided to try one last time. “Hey, you know, there’s a saying in the kink community. Some people confront their demons, we harness ours up and take them for a ride.”

He looked back at her over his shoulder, gave her the sad smile that kept making her let him back into her life. “There’s a saying in the demon community too: The best way to get a person to let you ride them, is to make them think they’re riding you.”

She sighed and shook her head. He nodded and stepped outside, light spilling out the door around him onto the steps leading down.

His silhouette disappeared as the door swung shut behind him.

Copyright Jerry Jones. Unauthorized use is prohibited.

6 Comments »

  1. odysseusbound said,

    “There’s a saying in the demon community too: The best way to get a person to let you ride them, is to make them think they’re riding you.” Brilliant line. Screwtape couldn’t have said it better.

  2. littlesubmissions said,

    Ah, C.S. Lewis, I need to reread that some day…

    And thanks.

  3. Ferns said,

    Oh god, true and sad and empty. And her anger and the ‘fuck you’ is exactly right. Makes me feel hollow, which means it is pitched perfectly in that space that should be fed by the experience. Nice.

    I love it when I forget that it’s time for you to have posted a new story… it’s like an unexpected gift when I remember.

  4. littlesubmissions said,

    Thanks Ferns, I always have a hard time running people through emotions in stories this short, but it sounds like it worked.

    And I’m glad you like unexpected gifts too. 🙂

  5. M. said,

    “This was the sound of a tortured animal, begging because it knew it couldn’t be saved. Begging because it didn’t know what else to do, except cry out in pain.”

    Maybe one day he’ll finally believe he is worthy of being saved.

    Beautifully written. Painful. Poignant.

  6. littlesubmissions said,

    Thanks M., yeah, I sometimes like to do horrible things to my characters, but a sequel with a happier ending certainly isn’t out of the question.


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