February 25, 2009

A thrilling time is in your immediate future. In bed.

Posted in stories at 4:40 am by littlesubmissions

She plonked the jar down on the coffee table and collapsed onto his lap, wrapped her arms around his head and pulled him in close to hiss whispers in his ear.

“I was feeling like quite the loving ma’am today, so I made you some cookies.  Home made fortune cookies, just like the Jade Monkey has except I wrote the fortunes.  Well, and these fortunes are actually going to come true.  Oh, and I wrote down some of the most horrible, painful things I could think of to do to you on thirty-five of them.  And one of them says you get to come. Which you don’t, until you find that cookie.”

“So how are those different from the ones we get at Jade Monkey?”

She laughed in one ear and twisted the lobe of the other sharply.  “Because Jade Monkey doesn’t bake another batch where every cookie says you get your smart mouth raped with my biggest fucking strapon until you learn to keep it shut and add them to the jar.  Do you see the difference now?”

“Yes ma’am.”  He gasped out the words and her fingers let go of his ear, stroked the line of his jaw and studied his profile.

“Would you like to ask me something?”

He kept his eyes closed and nodded in short jerks.  “May I please have a cookie, ma’am?”

Copyright Jerry Jones.  Unauthorized use is prohibited.


  1. Sadiste said,

    Mwahahaha! This is so full of win.

    Too bad I don’t know how to make fortune cookies.

  2. littlesubmissions said,

    Thank you, and google lists a variety of recipes…


  3. Wendy Blackheart said,

    Guh. I like. I think I’m going to have to learn to make fortune cookies.

  4. Verity said,

    Oh, this one makes me want to bake. Immediately!!!

  5. littlesubmissions said,

    Well, one upside is you’re not the one that has to eat them. So if a batch is bad, it’s just part of the scene.

    Then bust out the oven mitts!

  6. censorydep said,

    This is the first story of yours I’ve read. As I said to the woman who sent it to me: *shiver*.

    I somehow suspect your blog will become an inspiration for future trouble.

    If you happen to live in the Bay Area, there is a fortune cookie factory in SF that will make them with customer-supplied fortunes: http://tinyurl.com/3g3nb.

  7. littlesubmissions said,

    Thank you censorydep, welcome aboard, and personally I am all about the trouble.

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