May 26, 2010

Celluloid Scenes

Posted in stories tagged at 5:14 am by littlesubmissions

“Aaaaaack!” The whimpers of pain turned into a deep throated rasp of surprised annoyance. “What are you doing back there?”

He looked over his shoulder in time to see her stop a manic dance and plant the tip of the cane on the floor, flexing it slightly. Her eyes met his, and chin lifted she assumed an air of mock dignity. “I’m dominating you.”

A snort of laughter and a wince as striped flesh throbbed. “Yes, oh domly one, but what’s with the poking? As much as the cane hurts, the poking is oh-my-god incredibly annoying.”

Another laugh and she flopped down beside him, laying on her back as he rolled onto his side to look at her. She scrunched her shoulders into the covers and frowned, waving the cane above her, swinging and jabbing at the ceiling for emphasis. “Canes always make me feel like Errol Flynn. You ever see any of his movies?”

“I saw parts of that that one where he was Custer on cable. Didn’t pay much attention to tell the truth.”

Her head shook and she brought the cane into the en garde position, staring at something past the ceiling. “No, I mean his swashbuckler movies. Robin Hood, Captain Blood, Against All Flags. The Sea Hawk. My dad used to take me to see them when I was a kid. Mom always shuddered a little whenever I played pirates, especially after I gave my older brother a concussion with a dowel rod sword.” A tsk tsk sound from between her teeth. “Scurvy sea dog should have ducked.” And a shrug. “Anyway, mom always gave him shit for it, but every time there was an Errol Flynn pirate movie me and dad would still sneak out and go to the theater on Sunday afternoons…”

She trailed off, he nodded. “I suppose I could stand being poked.”

“Oh, you’re not getting off that easy.” The cane swished through the air in an elaborate figure eight pattern. “I think I’ll teach you to sing Professional Pirate while I cane you. And poke you.” She stuck her tongue out at him and hopped off the bed, standing at the computer. “And I expect you to learn…” A sudden lunge and the cane smashed down on the back of his thigh. “Quickly.”

“Ah!” His knees pulled up towards his chest and his body convulsed on the bed. “Yes ma’am.”

She clicked and typed, scrolled through search results. “The correct reply is actually, ‘May I obey all your commands with equal pleasure, sire.'”

“…I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The familiar face filled the screen, rendered in black and white the way she remembered. She smiled, and paused the video while it buffered. “I know.”

Copyright Jerry Jones. Unauthorized use is prohibited.


  1. Ranai said,

    You made me smile!

    Your characters are great. They have a sense for the absurdity of what they’re doing.

    Maybe Talk Like A Pirate Day (September 19 th) could become Tie Up A Pirate Day, inspiring erotica writers everywhere.

    I haven’t ever watched any of these films, but I’m sort of curious now. Oh, and does an actual link to the scene exist? As I’ve no idea what she’s quoting from either…

    • littlesubmissions said,

      I’m glad you smiled, it’s called “playing” for a reason I feel.

      And I’d be all about Tie Up A Pirate Day, though it would be a pity if it only came once a year.

      I like Errol Flynn’s films, but I tend to like old movies. Usually I tell people if they like Princess Bride, but don’t need the satirical elements to make it work, they’ll probably like the Flynn pirate movies. Your mileage may vary, but at least they should be easy to find and cheap I suppose.

      Her references are kind of all over the place, to tell the truth…
      Robin Hood, Captain Blood, Against All Flags, and The Sea Hawk are all Errol Flynn films. The last three are all pirate movies, the first (pretty obviously) is Robin Hood. The guys reference to Flynn as Custer is to They Died With Their Boots On. Don’t care much for it personally.

      Professional Pirate is a song from The Muppet Treasure Island (Tim Curry is a strangely effective Long John Silver for some reason).

      “May I obey all your commands with equal pleasure, sire” is from the Flynn version of Robin Hood. It’s the last line, as the king orders Hood to marry Maid Marian.

      As far as Flynn sword fights, I’m sure you could find some on youtube, they’d probably be heavy on the spoilers. Basically a lot of fencing, big swooping attacks towards the opponents weapon most of the time, with occasional jabs. Lots of fancy footwork. Probably a horrible way to fight a real sword fight, but it looks pretty.

      Thanks for reading,

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